Given the demonstrated subservience by some Kiwis to plainly idiotic rules, imagine the fun one could have if Prime Minister for a day.
Open with the standard press conference to follow the now established model, some softening up mush about Easter bunnies and the like, then announce three new edicts.
ONE “From tonight all lights must be off by 8pm and everyone in bed. The armed forces will assist the police and monitor all households.
TWO Heterosexual activity is strictly forbidden to avoid a possible birth explosion in 9 months time and put pressure on the hospitals and midwives.
This does not apply to homosexual activity, indeed being an open-minded Labour government, we actively encourage it, with the usual proviso of washing your hands with soap before and after the act.
THREE Finally, given the wonderful co-operation demonstrated by citizens, when a virus vaccine eventually becomes available, we intend introducing another life-saving initiative.
The government will borrow an estimated $15 billion and buy all existing motor-vehicles, including motorcycles, as their use will become illegal.
This initiative will put an end once and for all to the annual circa 350 road toll deaths. I have no doubt my fellow citizens will see the wisdom of these life-saving rules and co-operate in the same splendid fashion as they’ve done with the virus threat”.
NOTE: And the feeble buggers would.
10 Comments
We’ve already had Geoffrey Palmer suggesting state mandated bed times, with fawning support from the usual quarters, so it’s not a huge leap to make. Next we’ll be implementing Laila Harre’s vomit-inducing plan to have the govt confiscate your house if they deem to be too big so people with greater “need” could have it. It’s called “entitlements” you know.
The rules wouldn’t apply to our beloved Minister of Health David Clark of course, he’d free to do as he pleases without consequence because … because … um … ah …
Clearly Ms Genter has been in your ear Sir Bob – no doubt you’ll be flouncing around a repurposed road someday soon, replete in splendid rainbow attire befitting of the occasion – that being the confiscation of public property for the minority of air-headed ideologues who serve as our government currently.
Ba ha ha. Classic
Is the Government really taking advice from Stephen Tindall, Rob Fyfe, Craig Heatley and other’s.
Oh what fun! You’re right! The aimless and whimpy NZ public wouldn’t even think to disagree!
Instead of abolishing vehicles, we could re-introduce the speed limit from the McLean Motor-car Act 1898 of no greater than 12 miles per hour on any State highway (8 miles per hour if a local road). We might get fatalities from horse-drawn carriages overtaking on unsafe bends, but we could put warnings on each such bend to observe physical distancing, and to wear masks to avoid flies choking motorists. All enforced by mounted police wearing gloves.
No more cars means more room for ms Genter to extend our footpaths for distancing
Three more fantastic ideas to save lives!
I wish you could be prime minister/dictator
I’m sure you could come up with many more ideas but the problem is your over 60 and have an 89% chance of dying of Covid if you are unfortunate enuf to be one of the 67% infected (experts apparently)
Please fully isolate yourself, continue to advocate for closed borders and a massive ventilator order. And advocate for maximum economic recovery
And don’t forget, everyone hates landlords including Jacinda
But be kind and remember that landlords are the only people expected to give it away
Remember the film bubble boy-.the science for separation is already invented. With a few modifications, namely the introduction of hot air to defy gravity, citizens could move about according to the wind. Maori would bless this movement according to….whatever they say. The more hot air in ones bubble runs the risk of over buoyancy, therefore mindless liberal banter within your bubble could get you expelled offshore by a stiff breeze. Magnets could be placed on bubbles to assist grouping hoping to travel the same direction. Waffle to generate hot air would have to be limited given the risks of the group floating out over the water..