It’s Tuesday, people are allowed on golf courses (subject of course to Police fingernail inspections) but most notably, the sun is shining as if it’s mid-summer.
Make no mistake, thanks are entirely due to me for that. Here’s why.
As I’ve written before, God’s been in a shitty mood all year and taking it out on everyone. He opened with setting Australia on fire, banged in some earthquakes here and there, and then gave us the coronavirus and Jacinda. None of these evils are particularly imaginative, God having done them all repeatedly in the past. The cold hard fact is the bugger lacks imagination. But I’ve got his number.
Last week i set him up beautifully by writing on this blog that with golf finally permitted by her Grace today, you can be sure it will rain.
God walked right into that trap as I expected and just to prove me wrong, made sure it was sunny, exactly as I’d planned.
With an eternity of Godding under his belt one would think he’d have been a bit smarter, but evidently not so.
Perhaps he’s getting old or bored or whatever. Maybe it’s time for him to throw the towel in and let someone else have a crack at Godding, such as me for example. At least I’d be more imaginative.
Probably I’d open my account having Jacinda’s pants burst into flames every time she popped up on television. Then if she came along pants-less I’d have her teeth fall out. That would sort her out.
Next I’d beam up the Korean grotesque Kim. He’d be popped into the vat of slowly boiling oil containing all the past Popes, all stripped of their ballgowns and naked.
If it’s not already evident, plainly I’d be a justice-dispensing benevolent God, doing as they say, God’s work, which given the current office-holder’s cockups, would be a refreshing change.
11 Comments
Yes, God-Bob, and while your at it, could I kindly ask you to dispense a bolt of lightning under every Minister of Parliament who cannot speak the Queen’s english. Start with the worst offender – Winston Peters (garbler), followed by Simon Bridges (marbler), and then finish off with Comrade Cindy (a T and D swapper). Then order they undertake elocution lessons for eternity!
Bob , I think it’s more likely that Jacinda read your comment and decided to play a little trick on you.
“God moves in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform.”
Looks like you’ve got His number Bob!
That’s one way to never be ‘wrong’…
I have the suspicion most people wouldn’t recognise her without the teeth. You could argue a lot wouldn’t be looking without pants.
Today was a beautiful day.
I started work at 8am. About a dozen sub-contractors arrived, one by one (plumbers, electricians, painters, builders). I wandered around, asking each one how he was doing. The reply was almost always the same – it was great to be back at work, and the lockdown was ridiculous. This doesn’t stack up to the polls, where Stuff every day has articles insisting that everyone loves the lockdown. Curious…
The tradesmen all got stuck in. Then I noticed something strange, and slightly disturbing.
Zombies from neighbouring houses were emerging from under the beds, and coming outside for the first time in five weeks, to see what the commotion was all about.
“Hello” I brightly shouted at one of the zombies. They gave me a fixed and murderous expression, then scuttled back inside, presumably to hide under their bed again.
It occurred to me that the lockdown has now split society into two sections. There is the section that wants to live, work and thrive. There is another section of society, the zombies, who are fearful of their own shadows. The government and media have relentlessly fed this fear.
Of course, there have always been the bed wetters, the fairies and the pansies who don’t want to do a stroke of work, and who are even annoyed if other people do so. Maybe others working makes them feel inadequate and ashamed – I could only guess.
However, the ranks of the zombies have been swelled in recent times. Under the current government, it is the fearful, hiding under their beds, who are the pinnacle of the governments’ programme. You see, they say that their war against the virus was won as a result of the meek hiding.
Who is going to pay for the government policy that zombies should hide under their beds for the rest of their lives?
The answer, I suspect, is that they will hold out their hand to the humble CAKE FACE…
Sigh.
Its a pretty exclusive club, all past popes and kim. Jacinda must be pretty bad.
Not so keen on her pants coming off, or her teeth really, so could we settle on the old pinocchio nose growing every time she lies and you could save your imagination for more creative things. Such as making sure Jacinda does not do any sort of “employment scheme” that creates even worse financial havock than her lockdown We need clever people to make the ideas happen that filter down to employ less clever people and even the idiots. ie leave the peter becks to do their thing and tell james shaw to shut up.
She just had to be like a woman and have the last laugh Bob..at our golf club they’ve put covers over the hole so people can’t touch balls etc ( no don’t go there!) and there are no flags of course so people can’t touch….and of course you have to play with someone in your ‘ bubble’ ( God I hate that term!!) I need a nice Rioja before I puke…
Bob, You have to understand that God is a woman and without doubt a Jew. I mean only a woman could be so capricious and only a Jew would arrange for those who wish to destroy the Jews live in dumps.
I suspect the Popes might enjoy that…
You want the Prime Minister to lose her teeth et al.
Mulling the situation, she may lose more than this.
She came into Parliament saying that she valued human rights, social justice, democracy and the role of communities. She supported our welfare state as a necessary safety net. She was particularly concerned about child poverty reduction.
These are all worthy goals.
I don’t need to tell anyone that we have an economic crisis on our hands. Everybody knows this. However, the scale of the downturn could well be unprecedented.
If she continues on the path she has set – the economy is going to be burnt to the ground.
Our rights will be dust, justice will be cruel, democracy compromised and the community traumatised. Welfare could easily become unaffordable. Child poverty will escalate to catastrophic levels. Everything she has said she works for will be destroyed.
This will be her legacy.
Losing some teeth could be the least of her problems (and they’re big teeth to lose)…
Rob,the following Bible lesson may help.Hebrews 13.8 King James Version Jesus Christ,the same yesterday,today,and forever. Of