God help us; the bloody Herald has done it again and provided a lengthy “update” on Millie Elder Holmes’s “progress” in her 14 days hotel room quarantine.
So, what has Millie done? Found a cure for cancer? Nope. Written a novel, learnt to speak Bulgarian, composed a symphony, taught herself to play the banjo – no, no, no, none of those.
Millie, it transpires, has made her bed. Aside from that she wants to state how amazing the airport and hotel staff have been. That will be a huge relief across the nation for the tens of thousands of citizens having endured sleepless nights through the absence of a Herald update.
Soon she will be released. Will the Herald organise a tickertape parade down Queen Street? I see no reason why not. Alternatively, they could fund a nationwide tour. Millie could be driven through every town and city waving to the excited inhabitants, doubtless assembled in their tens of thousands.
In seventy years time people will be able to boast to their grandchildren; “I was there. I saw Millie Elder-Holmes.” In these dark days that would be a wonderful public service bringing great joy to an anxious nation.
23 Comments
Clearly we need statues of Ms(?) Elder Holmes, since the current stock are politically questionable.
”I did but see her passing by,
And yet I love her till I die.“
Totally agree Sir Bob !!!
I find absurd that the Herald would waste time on such crap .
love your posts keep them coming.
What do you call “celebrity news” when the subject is not, actually a “celebrity?”
…dead celebridy-adjacent?
Your rampant justified enjoyable sarcasm knows no bounds.(WHO?)
Hahaha
I irony of your post Sir Bob is that it provides the oxygen that supports her limited fame. Ignoring her and other people whose fame is based on dubious means rather than a talent is the only way to ensure they lead private lives. Otherwise you support click-bait.
The media are desperate to ween us off Kardashians and their like because they won’t be coming here any time soon for the occasional spurious chance to meet our heroes. The media love this kind of celebrity, because they control the source of fame.
Wonderful, wonderful news that brought a smile to my dial. Thanks!
The Herald is covered in “RED” and most of the journalists are either covered in cobwebs or are simply City Spivs .The paper is good though,for use in lighting the fire.
I hope she’s not eye balling my whitebait pozzie for Saturday, very suspicious timing …. always thought holmes was more Sherlock , Larry, and Paul , than … er … what’s her name ?
…yip once again i’m deeply “O” fended by your common sense attitude and as ever, I remain a precious tart. Just your average kiwi.
This rubbish displays the talent-or lack of it-that so called ‘reporters’ have in this country. And it probably explains why they accentuate ardern, clearly their readership age has dropped considerably and now made up of shallow thinkers who can’t be bothered to actually seek out real journalism. The herald editors need an real boot up the arse.
Our own Diana?!
So when does she did in a tunnel?
Should be DIE
Paris? Kardashian? there are plenty of choices there…. I knew her mother a bit at Uni… sanctimonious the lot of them…
The Herald eh?
The conclusion of the historic agreement between Israel and The United Arab Emirates, brokered by President trump not even mentioned. There was an article about his hair though.
She is almost up there with Meghan.
Millie herself doesn’t seem to be talking to the Herald… rather she posts something somewhere and they report it as though they have interviewed her.
More a sign of how low the Herald has sunk, than Millie seeking fame.
The headlines “Outrage at comments by …..” are now bread and butter to the dripping wet wokelets that are the Herald’s journalists.
The original, usually pretty innocuous, comment wasn’t worthy of coverage; the tantrum from the perpetually outraged Twitterati is now the news.
Unfortunately this story panders to a ever increasing section of snowflakes and Shortland Street types who consider this sort of drivel as “News” The author of this garbage will also be a snowflake lefty who is drawing a salary from the ever diminishing revenue stream of the newspaper with an ever diminishing audience. One does wonder how the story even gets to print, so in turn reflects on the calibre of the editorial leadership; I am suggesting perhaps a name change might be in order…. “The Titanic”. Read all about it, get your copy of The Titanic !!!