With damn good reason I mock the Dominion- Post but in fairness, it’s not all bad and has some good political journos. It offers other pleasures as well.
One is the Saturday edition’s full-page advertisement by an employment agency called Jackson Stone Partners. When they first appeared I called our office-panic stricken and was assured they’re not in any of our buildings.
We do have lots of these self-described management consultants tenancies and with demand exceeding supply, are picky about occupants for our circa Wellington CBD 400 office suites, something appreciated by the incumbents.
This outfit’s adverts are world-class when it comes to bad writing. Sheer waffle best sums them up. Minor management positions are described in grandiose terms, not that that’s peculiar to Jackson Stone. Most offensive are the constant changes of tense.
Anyway, here’s one from last Saturday. It’s a tough call but the first person to translate what on earth this job is about will receive a copy of my recently published novellas.
Everyone else can quietly weep, certain in the knowledge this nonsense position is at your tax-paying expense.
20 Comments
SBJ You made us read this! I’m struggling to think of a worse form of torture.
The longest sentence is 45, yes 45 words long, I had to count it twice. A comma followed by “and” on several occasions.
I’m off for a lie down.
.
Looking for someone with enough Maori nous to gouge shedloads of coin out of woke govt / corporate organisations who are frightened their lack of Maoriness is a problem or indeed a necessity ….. send my novella to Taranaki sir bob !
hahaha absolutely first class bollocks – yes sir Bob this is a full time waffle government position, don’t apply without a degree in BS ..
BS goes along what in government circles, as accountability is largely non existent and covered up with by people similar to those which wrote this job application. I’m probably being abit hard on Russell or David, but you can deduce this is state funded propaganda.
There is a hole in the trough and with tax payers money you can fill it.
….can Irish people apply ?
They cannot. The magic words there are te ao.
Once Te Reo was the magic words however as more of the fairer skinned ethnicity learned Te Reo they’ve had to make more up as they go along. Te Ao means thinking of being of the Maori way – in other words Maori like Paula Bennett and Simon Bridges are not acceptable.
Absolutely love the surnames of the agents. Maori they are not!
Snort snort waffle
The job ad/vacancy involves maori finding jobs for maori. WINZ is the client.
Definately an ad for a WINZ consultanr..
Trough Coordinator?
Clearly a Department needing a high class Maori trougher to impress the natives.
Or just as much, to impress the virtue-signaling bureaucrats and socialistes with whom it is necessary to treat and appease in today’s new normal.
On the car with kai ,cultural waffle and much ado about nothing,more senseless horseshit pandering to the so called deluded colonial affected .Perhaps tape the inteviews for future generations who hopefully will be gobsmaked that this sort of guff ever took place.
Hopefully,maybee Spratt &Hollander are just taking the “Piss”
Situations Vacant
We are looking for;
Someone with ‘Standing’ in a tribe and thus wide contacts to get away with this ‘woke’ b.s.!
There’s a lot of money in it but you will need to convince everyone in government and business.
We want to make the most money out of it and your job is to bring Maori and Businesses together in pretending this is important to them both.
You will need to convince your own tribe and will need help but don’t dare bring any incompetent ‘cuzzins’ in.
Phone , Pakeha name 1 or Pakeha name 2.
I was barely holding it together up until they used the word “meritocracy”. That was just too much.
Oh Please, surely this advertisement? Is totally missing it’s target? Why wasn’t is it just simply stated the applicant must be Maori, preferably female, have long standing affiliation with education and socialist political ideology. And, most importantly, this should have been advertised in Te Reo.
Obviously written by someone studying for a doctorate in MBA-speak
It’s clearly describing the role for the manager of a Prison Outreach Centre. Key translational words are:
High profile professional services organisation = prison.
Bringing parties together = inmates and employers.
Empowerment journey – getting out of jail.
Delivering complex assignments = trying to get the buggers work.
Sir Bob, please send your recently published Novellas to PO Box 13197, Tauranga.