SOLVING THE WHITE FERNS PROBLEM

Not unjustifiably, the media have lamented the dismal record-breaking losing reputation of our women’s cricket team. Imagination is called for.

We live in an age in which sexual unorthodoxy is being celebrated, homosexuality elevated to an art form and most of all, trans-sexuality is up there with the Second-coming in terms of wonderfulness. Therein lies the answer.

We persuade some of our retired male test players, with the national interest in mind, to do the decent thing and come out as trans. The question is who?

If Mark Richardson still has it, batting-wise and while I don’t know him, he comes across as a bloke with a sense of humour and would probably be in it.

Add Jesse Ryder who was always on board for a laugh and Brendon McCullum and our girls would be invincible.

No need for breast implants and what have you. Women cricketers have never been noted for their beauty so just a dab of lipstick and wigs would suffice to put paid to any doubts.

12 Comments

Good plan Sir Bob,
Ian Smith is an obvious candidate. He wouldn’t need breast implants.
Richard.

The mind boggles. Don’t think Mark would be too keen..he wasn’t that quick down the wicket.

Bob, you’re almost always good for a laugh on a Friday – thank you for your wit.

Problem solved SB.
I certainly can give you a list of males who would fit the bill especially with them having been subject to movement/media castration.
Maybe your Mexican mate can even swing a bat? Jack Tame definitely is better suited to wigs and a bit of lippy. The list is endless. Add “no we’re not having a reset” Robertson although I’ve no doubt he’s busy preparing for the reset conference he is guest speaker at.

😂😂😂

Actually they wouldn’t even need to shave.

Oh dear this is going to lead to some angst at the aftermath functions-Who is going to Rider?

I think you’re not identifying the problem. Exactly as you described, we live in an age in which race, sexual orientation, and inclusive wonderfulness. The alphabet community should be forthright in demanding, they too be must be included. And realistically I agree with them. There is no room in a civilised society where a person who identifies as female, is discriminated against because of her genetic makeup. How dare society steal the future, hopes, and dreams of these people? The problem being the White Ferns and Black Caps own sexist policies. Presumably having sexist criteria where eligibility for selection is determined. The solution therein is to remove all these inhuman criteria. Without doubt, many of the current white ferns will ascend to the ranks of the Black Caps? Equality for all?

Brilliant plan Sir Bob. You’re an evil genius

Bob, You mean the kind of conversion therapy that won’t be banned! Alternatively the NZCC could offer the girls testosterone jabs.

As we saw with the brilliant Life of Brian 30+ years ago, no satire is so ridiculous that it won’t come to pass in time. The reality of males (not “biological males” – males. There’s only one kind) pretending to be female to get an advantage in sport is already well-entrenched inside a generation from Stan wanting to be called Loretta, and stating he/she had the inalienable right to have babies. Even if the foetus has to gestate in a box.

But your requirements of lipstick and a wig, or even some pretence at beauty or a hint of cleavage are most definitely not required in order to be recognised as a wimmin in this country and many others. All you have to do is declare that you identify as [insert species here] and you’re away laughing.

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