Iranian born Green MP Golriz Ghahraman, in a newspaper interview, described herself as “a woman of colour.” What colour she did not say.

That term usually applies to people of negro, Indian, Polynesian and Melanesian ethnicity. Sometimes it’s said of Orientals although the vast majority are as white skinned as Icelanders. The exceptions are peasantry, as with many weather beaten white farmers everywhere.

I imagine Golriz would love to claim “Morrie” blood, this being the stock fantasy of New Zealand left-wing females, but as it’s well-known that she’s Iranian born and thus white, she has to forego that pleasure. Anyway, the much sought after “Morrie” female slots are already taken by the party co-leader Marama Davidson, with Elizabeth Kerekere hovering in the wings.

This lefty female “look at me” attention seeking practice of claiming minority racial heritage is not peculiar to New Zealand. It happens in Australia regularly with female politicians claiming to be aboriginal on the basis of a great grandmother and the like.

When tennis player Ash Barty rose to the top three years back some commentators made ludicrous claims of her as the greatest ever aboriginal sports person. Ashleigh, I hasted to add, was not responsible. Enquiry revealed she was, as her appearance made clear, European, although several generations back a distant relation had a smidgeon of aboriginal blood.

A well publicised case in America a few years back saw a prominent female black advocate who claimed negro ethnicity, blown out of the water when her fed-up parents spoke up and advised she hadn’t a scintilla of black ancestry.

Or consider mad Elizabeth Warren, at one stage a front-runner for the 2020 Democrat Presidential nomination. She claimed American Indian heritage. When that (and other background fantasies) were exposed as fiction, her campaign fell apart and she duly pulled out of the race.

So what can poor Golriz, suffering from being white skinned, do to achieve a desirable minority image?

One obvious possibility is to become lesbian but alas, that critical Green slot is already taken by both Elizabeth Kerekere and Chloe Swarbrick. Another would be deemed excessive.

I think I have the answer. When I asked our top political commentator Jane Clifton about Golriz she spoke warmly of her and said she’s a very nice person. That being the case taking up a sensible white woman role seems obvious.

But Golriz would then rightly argue Eugenie Sage fills that role and two sensible white women Green MPs could massively harm the Party’s sought after radical image. Co-leader James Shaw, although not a woman, is already hurting the party image by appearing relatively normal, if somewhat wet, and as such, as recent events showed, upsetting the membership for these reasons. Given Jane’s remarks about Golriz, taking up nudism or cage-fighting and such-like to obtain an off-beat image, plainly are not goers.

So what to do? Eureka! The Greens have an obvious current fashionable, vacant slot, namely Golriz becomes a trans. Being a Green however disqualifies her from adopting too butch an approach otherwise I’d offer to help with swearing lessons and pay for a season ticket to Warriors matches and instructions on how to roll your own cigarettes and such-like.

No; that blokiness won’t do at all for the Greens. Rather, Golriz simply announces she’s a trans, shaves her head and wears smart men’s suits which should solve the problem nicely and stop any more “women of colour” desperate measures to show she belongs with the Greens.


Vintage 🙂

Exactly what I was thinking!


Golriz has MS, therefore she can play the disability card.

Just another pollie with poor taste in partners.

As a dark-skinned person I abhor that term “person of colour”. I think of myself as just a Kiwi or New Zealander and all that know me regard me similarly. I refuse to be identified by anything other than my personality.
As you say, Golraz is Iranian. That, more than likely classifies her as an Aryan, which would qualify her for membership of Hitler’s Herrenrasse where no darkies would be allowed

Approximately 170 years ago my Great great grandfather was doing a stint in ‘the colonies’ in what was Malaya. His eyes met (or he had a fling with) a local Aboriginal lass. What was different for the time was that they made a family. Four generations later I inherited skinny ankles and one of my sisters looks slightly darker than the rest of us. Bob perhaps you could lead a campaign to claim land rights for us under the twin towers in KL.

If someone identifies as a woman of colour, does that automatically make you one?
Asking for a friend.

That has to be one of your best columns ever. Just brilliant. I am currently in Iceland at the moment, traveling around, and I can confirm that the local populace are very pale.

On a similar vein, there was a media report yesterday of some “speciesally confused” (not sure of the spelling there) Australian schoolgirls who self identified as cats. Their parents enabled this nonsense even cutting a slot in the back of one’s school uniform stress to allow her (imaginery) tail to hang out.

This begs the question for anyone engaging in sexual congress with these petsons/animals:

If non consensual, would the Police charge the alleged offender with rape or beastiality?

I disagree with your assessment of Eugenie Sage. Otherwise – well done.

The Greens are New Zealand’s political equivalent of the MAGA mob in the USA. Tribal, identity based politics that sneer at the others around them as “lesser”. Admittedly the Greens leadership don’t have the criminal mindset of Trump (who is a villain to the core), but the Green rank and file have that same belief in their built in superiority. Why else call yourself “a woman of colour” if not to show your innate worthiness to “the cause”. It annoys me more than it should when I hear people like this-as though being female and coloured automatically means her opinions and policies ought not be subject to the same scrutiny as we boring white males.

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