It’s Tuesday, people are allowed on golf courses (subject of course to Police fingernail inspections) but most notably, the sun is shining as if it’s mid-summer.
Make no mistake, thanks are entirely due to me for that. Here’s why.
As I’ve written before, God’s been in a shitty mood all year and taking it out on everyone. He opened with setting Australia on fire, banged in some earthquakes here and there, and then gave us the coronavirus and Jacinda. None of these evils are particularly imaginative, God having done them all repeatedly in the past. The cold hard fact is the bugger lacks imagination. But I’ve got his number.
Last week i set him up beautifully by writing on this blog that with golf finally permitted by her Grace today, you can be sure it will rain.
God walked right into that trap as I expected and just to prove me wrong, made sure it was sunny, exactly as I’d planned.
With an eternity of Godding under his belt one would think he’d have been a bit smarter, but evidently not so.
Perhaps he’s getting old or bored or whatever. Maybe it’s time for him to throw the towel in and let someone else have a crack at Godding, such as me for example. At least I’d be more imaginative.
Probably I’d open my account having Jacinda’s pants burst into flames every time she popped up on television. Then if she came along pants-less I’d have her teeth fall out. That would sort her out.
Next I’d beam up the Korean grotesque Kim. He’d be popped into the vat of slowly boiling oil containing all the past Popes, all stripped of their ballgowns and naked.
If it’s not already evident, plainly I’d be a justice-dispensing benevolent God, doing as they say, God’s work, which given the current office-holder’s cockups, would be a refreshing change.