THE FIRST ACTION TAKEN IF I WAS A DICTATOR

First, by a country mile, trace the screamingly wet and bound to be bearded, cowering bastard responsible for the “Be Kind” neon signs on our motorways. They’re absurdly infantile and massively insulting. I’d take him on a nation-wide tour to be dragged naked, slowly through the main streets for everyone to pelt him with rotten tomato and eggs.

Now if instead of me, Jacinda was to order that to happen and furthermore, throw the first tomato, I’d join in the “great leader” clamour. Copying to the letter what nearly every country in the world has done, doesn’t constitute leadership. Passing across totalitarian authority, not even matched in wartime, to an unelected official is not only an affront to democracy but the total abdication of leadership.

All things considered, probably it’s best if I take over.

BAN THE POKIES

A coalition of the Salvation Army, the Problem Gambling Foundation and a Maori Health Agency have called for the government to ban poker machines. I’m a libertarian and believe each to their own with life choices but see no inconsistency with that position in saying I totally endorse the Coalition’s call, for reasons I’ll explain.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND ROSS

Of all fields of expertise and excluding the bogus ones (sociologists, chiropractors etc) none match economists for talking nonsense when it comes to forecasting. If that sounds extreme, bear in mind the fact that economic forecasting is invariably wrong is now a specialist field of study at Harvard.

BUY NEW ZEALAND MADE

The virus epidemic has brought in its wake an even bigger epidemic of stupidity, epitomised by an outbreak of “Buy New Zealand Made” pleas.

IS MUSK NOW MAD?

There’s a very fine line between genius and insanity and it’s becoming increasingly evident Elon Musk has crossed it.