I’ve just received a term report re my ten year old daughter who attends one of our supposedly top private girls’ schools where plain English is verboten, the report being described as a “Diagnostic Profile” for Christ’s sake.

Most of it is unintelligible. In respect of its dates for forthcoming “Student and Parent Conferences” it advises they are, “a conversation between the parent, the teacher and the student, focused on goal-setting.” (Without the hyphen). Who’d have thought it?

Over the last five decades I’ve put swags of daughters through our supposedly top private girls’ schools. The two who by far have done best in subsequent life, both got the boot from their respective schools and to their respective mothers’ distress, were warmly congratulated and richly rewarded by me. Time has proven me right on that score.

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