According to a government Landcare agency, New Zealand loses 192 million tonnes of soil each year from erosion, much of it flowing out to sea.

This is hardly peculiar to New Zealand but a world‑wide phenomenon yet, for over a decade I’ve failed to get a reply to a simple question. That is, given this constant erosion why do anthropologists have to dig down under the surface to expose yesteryear human settlements? How is it that the passing of centuries, despite the steadfast erosion claims, explain today’s earth level being 5 or 10 metres higher than a 1000 years or so back?

I’ve asked leading scientists here and abroad, including a top Berkley Science Professor mate, and have yet to receive a sensible answer. Rather they waffle but none can explain this anomaly.

That said, I have great news. Last week anthropologists finally solved the erosion problem. Digging down on the Peruvian coast they found a mass grave of children’s skeletons, all pointing out to sea. This they explained, had been sacrificial offering to the sea Gods to lay off with erosion-causing storms and for all we know it may have worked. It certainly sounds reasonable.

We should learn from history and emulate this strategy here forthwith. Furthermore, it has the double-whammy benefit of brat disposal for long suffering mothers, so it’s a win-win proposition.


Has Landcare noticed the Canterbury plains are erosion?


Stupid people and we’re told to look up to them and admire their intellect.. I guess yeah right fits.


We could offer up the greenies as an offering to the sea gods They will be purer offerings than the rest of us


What about the children? Why oh why doesn’t somebody think of the children?


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