Here’s a tale to lighten your day. A few weeks back with 3 colleagues I was in York on a book‑buying expedition. York boasts of surpassing Hay‑On‑Wye as Britain’s bookshop capital (it hasn’t), aside from which, we aborted the venture after 2 days because of the intolerable tourist numbers clogging the city.
On our final night there we popped into a Chinese restaurant and encountered this notice.
“Under 120 centimetres tall, free dining”.
Enquiry with the boss, a middle‑aged Chinese lady with an evident sense of humour elicited the information that her previous sign that children under 5 were free saw bludgers bringing in kids, plainly much older and then arguing they were only 4, thus the centimetres sign.
Currently my Scottish office is investigating the existence of a Scottish Dwarfs Association. If we can find one to elicit enough starters, (a minimum of 10 but hopefully lots more) I’ll be over in a shot and we’ll take them all down to York in a mini‑bus and into this restaurant.
If my assessment of the Chinese lady proprietor is correct she will be into the piss-taking spirit and honour the commitment. But, subsequently she will need help with a new sign.
“Children under 5, less than 120 centimetres” should do the trick and we will present it to her.
Having done that we will then foil her again and after a month or so, return with a horde of kindergarten inmates which should be easy to organise. It’s such worthy public spirited initiatives that at my age, makes life still worth waking up to each day.