WONDERFUL NEWS

Amidst all the gloom here’s some wonderful news to lift the nation’s spirits.

Yesterday I received a phone call from prominent Lower Hutt lawyer, David Butler. But rather than the usual tirade of abuse about Wellington QC Hugh Rennie, David’s longtime rival for leadership of our Flat Earth movement, he was on a high.

“I’ve finally got round to doing something I’ve held off for decades through never having the time,” he explained and went on to outline his achievement, namely cataloguing his massive collection of British royalty memorability. Apparently it comprises 236 photograph books, the first dated 1946 called “The Young Princesses” about Elizabeth and Margaret. The rest cover the coronation, royal tours, weddings and so on.

“Plus,” he said excitably, “there’s the commemorative mugs, 46 in all, covering royal weddings and the like, also 28 souvenir teaspoons with inset photos on their ends of Princess Di, Fergie, the Queen and the rest of the mob.

There’s also 22 commemorative tea-towels, all beautifully framed,” he assured me.

But pride of place are his 18 strong limited edition commemorative plates. “The fact they’re a limited edition gives them special panache,” David pointed out, “Alongside each is their certificate of authenticity, also framed”.

“What sort of limitation?” I asked.

“Well, there’s my Charles and Di wedding plate. I’ve got number 182,124 out of 400,000”.

“Hardly suggests a scarcity factor,” I advanced.

“To the contrary,” he exclaimed. “That high number is plain evidence of their demand”.

At that David fell silent, then after a pause, somewhat solemnly said, “this shutdown virus business reminds one of one’s mortality”. Then with a sob he added, “I’ve decided to donate the collection to the nation”.

“Well…” I said, but was lost for words.

“The thing is,” he continued, “the National Archives will want it but that’s no good as they’ll be stored away out of sight. So I’m going to give them to Te Papa with the proviso of a permanent public display. They can get rid of some of their maori rubbish covered in red paint. Far better to have things people actually want to look at that are meaningful”.

“I’m sure they’ll be delighted,” I said encouragingly. “They’ll probably want to name the display room after you”.

“Well of course, that is, I mean, as it were, all things considered, I suppose it would be rather churlish of one to refuse them that,” he responded, then, after another pause he added, “the worry is with all the unemployed loitering about ahead of us, thanks to the lockdown stuffing the economy, the mobs of viewers could get out of hand”.

Here I was helpful. “Tell them to emulate the procedure the Kremlin used to have with Lenin’s embalmed corpse, and for that matter Hanoi with Ho Chi Minh’s corpse. Have security guards insisting everyone keeps moving. Slowly of course, out of respect. Also, suggest they keep the display open to midnight”.

“Brilliant!”, David exclaimed. “I’ll get on to them pronto”.

So there’s something to look forward to in the dark days ahead.

13 Comments

Hail Britannia!

The sun will never set on the empire.

Liked by 1 person

A personal invitation to Hone Harawira would be well received, I’m certain. After all, with the Royal support and charters to expand British settlements, surely he will appreciate that his calling in life to lambast colonisation would have been severely constrained in any counterfactual world.

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I respect your friends enthusiasm Bob.
An attitude like that will stand him in good stead.

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I didnt jknow about Ho Chi Mins tomb, I must complete the full set having visited Lennins in Moscow and Mao’s in Beijing

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    I love communist art, which perhaps the communist mausoleums are part of?
    For example, Momento Park in Budapest is a cracker. When we visited, we were the only ones there. Locals didn’t seem to know the park existed. I suppose the irony or the art works are a little too close to home for the people who had to actually live it. Brutalist architecture is also good value in the Eastern Bloc.
    With regards to collecting Royal memorabilia, I must concede with some shame that I haven’t caught the bug yet, but who knows what will unfold over the next year or so? Nostalgia can have strange effects…

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Your friend is bound to get a gong for this show of selfless philanthropy and will be of great timing when we all come out of lockdown broke and disheartened.
By Jove Just what the jolly old nation will need to raise our waivering spirits.

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I’ve seen David Butler’s collection and it’s truly outstanding. The nation will be forever indebted.
But, I understand Mark Hourigan (of Bayleys Commercial fame) has a much bigger collection with a particular focus on Fergie rarities… Hopefully Mark follows David’s philanthropic spirit and this will surely be the spark to resurrect our tourism industry…

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Wellington property developer Ian Cassels has a larger collection with a fixation on Prince Philip.

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I can imagine you being a member of the Flat Earth Soc.whose sole purpose I suspect is that of Rampant Disputatiousness

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Sir Robert – please contact Mr Butler on our behalf. We have attempted to make connection but understand from one of his partners that he is thought to have a caravan at Foxton for the lockdown. We at Art + Object (Auckland) are representing prominent ‘Royal’ collector Mr Oliver Newland who wishes to make a substantial seven figure offer for this substantial collection. Mr Newland, as usual proposes a syndication purchase and a short two month contract while he promotes this outstanding investment to his client base. The of course necessitates the usual translation into braille, hence the two months requested.

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Camillas got more panache than Di. Camilla wouldnt throw herself down the stairs for attention like Di did, she just uses her seduction. i must break into horse society

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Like!! Great article post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

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