In her daily four hour television address to the nation shown compulsorily on all television channels by decree, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern yesterday announced that from September all motor-vehicles will be banned. As provided for in the Treaty, maori drivers alone will be exempt.

She advised the government has set aside fifty billion dollars to purchase the vehicles and an announcement will be made next Wednesday in which the date will be announced when it will be announced the purchasing programme will commence.

By banning motor vehicles, the Prime Minister said, New Zealand will prevent over 350 deaths per annum. Additionally, our team, now down to 4,000,000 through the heavy and traitorous exit of selfish citizens, fleeing abroad, will no longer see loved ones, currently over 4,000 annually suffer permanent injuries and hospitalisation.

The policy was in line with last month’s announcement banning sea and river swimming to prevent drownings. In conclusion, she said, New Zealand is leading the world in life-saving initiatives.

Finance Minister Grant Robertson followed the Prime Minister and advised a contract with a major Japanese company was currently under negotiation, to purchase the nation’s vehicles which they planned to re-sell to African nations and India and thus hopefully recoup a substantial portion of the purchasing outlay.

The Minister further advised that Treasury projections anticipated this measure would provide a major economic stimulus from the breeding of horses and manufacturing of carts to replace the motor vehicles. Additionally, it would assist the nation’s goal to lead the world in global warming measures in ensuring no obnoxious petrol emissions. The ending of costly oil imports will be a positive financial measure to offset the current permanent ban on tourists and foreign students and last week’s prohibition on citizens leaving Aotearoa.

In line with these green goals an announcement would be made in a fortnight on the date of the announcement to prohibit environmentally polluting dairy farming and their replacement by clean oat farming for horse feed.

Finally, Health Tsar Sir Ashley Bloomfield finished the daily broadcast with his much admired rap performance in maori, urging everyone to be kind.

An overnight Herald poll revealed 84% of the public strongly endorsed these new initiatives.


Peter Andrew Cameron Beveridge September 8, 2021 at 12:36 pm

Welcome back Bob, you have been missed. Your acerbic wit is true to the point.

Brilliant! 😂 God to have you back Sir Bob

Bob, there’s a depressing aspect to your blog. It’s the undeniable element of truth in every initiative you’re suggesting. The daily acceleration of maori wonderfulness is rapidly sending the dumb amongst us (about 60%) back to the stone age – and the very bright, independent thinkers (10%), to the airports. That leaves about 30% totally despondent but afraid to stand-up to the Thought Police.
Should she confess to her dislike of anyone with Israeli heritage just watch the team of five million send in names and addresses. New Zealanders? Not what the world once thought they were.

Absolutely brilliant. Yes some of these politicians and beurocrats are pakeha but wish they were Maori.
It won’t be far away when I will need to apologize for being white

Very funny if there weren’t such an element of truth.. sadly at my age too late to run off elsewhere but if it gets much worse maybe

Excellent Bob.
Jacinda & her team of buffoons, urged & coerced by Willy Jackson & his He Puapua promoters will supply a constant supply gaffes, ripe for the p_ss take.
You being a private citizen of considerable means are in a great position to highlight the ineptness & farcicality of this government.
Keep it up please. Broadcasters such as Leighton Smith, Peter Williams & Sean Plunket etc have been shut down by the wokesters. Broadcasters prepared to challenge separatist policies, broadcasters prepared to shine a light on government inadequacies are being shutdown by media repaying their Public Interest Journalism Fund handouts.

I was concerned for your wellbeing Bob with your blog being rather static.. Good to note that you have returned. Meanwhile I shall resume my hermit existence here in Tamaki Something Orother.

More funding for the Mongrel Mob to guard our supermarkets against lone wolf attacks is another option for some of our marginalized unemployed

Surely you mean by then “President -for-life-Jacinda”. Of course all Maori must only drive the vehicle brand used by their great -Grandfather and not on sealed roads.Perhaps we could use the old acetylene generators?

Did Ashley have the now requisite Pounamu around his neck, that all woke bureaucrat bosses now wear?

Been checking daily for my favourite blog! keep the truth coming!

Brilliant… and I’d have enjoyed it more if not for the nagging feeling that it might come true. As have many of the consipracy theories of only 12 months ago.

frederickwilliscroft September 8, 2021 at 5:10 pm

Very good form Sir Robert.
Alas I know it is satire but there are many elements of truth in your post I think Ardern is hell bent on keeping with the elimination strategy, even when vaccinations increase to the levels of the UK and will use the excuse that it will stil be necessary so as to prevent hundreds, if not thousands of deaths. I fear we will be trapped forever in fortress New Zealand.
Unbelievably this strategy seems to have strong support in New Zealand…sorry Aotearoa. The increasing stupidity of people living here does not auger well for the future. They seem to treat Ardern’s blather from the Pulpit of Truth as akin to Moses 10 commandments.

Banning things is so much easier than doing things I’m surprised more governments don’t take it up to the exclusion of everything else like ours has.

And judicious fearmongering makes it so popular. Climate change will do it if all else fails.

Oh well, can’t just let the National Party off the hook. Here’s my look into their future from the viewpoint of 2019:
BREAKING NEWS (CLICK HERE! CLICK HERE), though Nikki Kaye is gone.

Excellent blog but also scary for this old New Zealander who wonders what the future will bring for his children and grand chikdren

“Maori drivers alone will be exempt”… Maori driving together is considered a national treasure relating to the Waka and is therefore also exempt.
All heavy earth moving equipment will be gifted to the Pacific Islands to help fight rising sea levels, along with an 8 page apology for its racist carbon producing exhaust-Jacinda will replace this equipment in Aotearoa with shovels, thereby immediately (well in 6 months) creating a further million jobs in earth moving.
Ahh so many glories await the workers eco paradise of Godzone…

I notice you mention horse and carts will be the transport of choice , tho i doubt this myself . I think you are mistaken in the belief that the Greenie friends of St Jacinda will allow whole sale destruction of trees to allow the manufacture of the carts..

I do not watch the pulpit of lies and compromise, as I am too old to enjoy the Muppet Show. I am quite depressed with the level of stupidity and cowardliness from my fellow NZers. We are living in a gradually more strangling totalitarian regime. It may take marching in the streets. Then again that didn’t work over the creek in Lockdown Aussi. Unbelievable and barking mad.

Welcome back Bob.

You guys may laugh , but one day Sir Bob’s treatise will be the basis of a documentary : ” Aotearoa ; the return of the carriageless horse ” … … we’ll lead the way , slowly … showing the rest of the world a better , kinder way … the horse & buggy way …. ah yes … the horse , unlike a car , zero emissions , and no one ever died from riding a horse , did they … C’mon team of 5 million : let’s do this !

Meanwhile Greens leader, Shaw ( …we can be a socialist paradise) jets off to Europe …in the middle of a pandemic. Irony lost on anybody do you think !
How stupid is this country?
.Answer: yep

Horse & cart may be closer than you think.

A few on the east coast already use them, as they are cheaper to run than cars.

Be a good use of my grass clippings as well, while the manure will be good for the fruit trees.

Shame the Council want to allow building to 20 metres height.. I think that’s what they call progress.. Might have to apply for reserve status, and fortify my boundaries with horse shit and fruit trees..

Fills me with hope the old master is back. Perhaps Sir Bob could reform his party and get rid of Jacinda and her team of half-wits. There a growing swell of people are now starting to see through Jacinda and her socialist comrades. Let’s hope it is not too late.
By the way, could someone wake up the National Party, bloody hopeless

Some years ago I voted for you Bob, to rid NZ of a prime minister showing alarming autocratic and dictatorial tendencies. You’ve done it once and I believe you could do it again.

Thanks Bob. It is funny, but sad funny. The gradual sliding into tribal government in NZ is very concerning.

Here are my though:
one country: New Zealand, all equal, no special votes, no special university entry, no special taxes, no resources grabs.
What is all this nonsense with giving all resources in this country to small group of certain ethnicity? Is that not racism in pure form? Did they establish all the wonderful things: infrastructure, buildings, institution that make this country going? NO, they did not. Hardworking European settlers did most of the work, but their (European) descendants don’t claim being special, because everything belongs to this nation, not to a small ethnic group.
There is a reverse discrimination happening. How people not see it?

Sir, Bob, I enjoy your take on all that is happening here in New Zealand, not that other name that is being banded around. Maori or Moriori were not the first inhabitants on this land we now call and hopefully will always be New Zealand. The Celtic people were here long before. To get back to being one people without any discriminations is going to take a long time, however, to do that maybe a good look at the New Conservatives policies would be a very good start. But who in any of the political parties has the guts to implement them. ??

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