Last week I reported on a Lower Hutt funeral parlour’s ludicrous advertising message in its weekly half page advertisement. This it will be recalled, was, “IS DEALING WITH A LOCALLY OWNED FUNERAL HOME IMPORTANT TO YOU?”

We constantly read of incidents involving assumed corpses suddenly coming awake (one last week). When I look at this ridiculous message I immediately imagined a corpse in a coffin lifting the lid after over-hearing the funeral outfit’s staff talking and yelling, “Get me out of here you bastards. I heard one of you mentioning living in Upper Hutt”.

I also advised this absurdity was alongside a photo of the firm’s seven personnel, one of whom screamed axe murderer and two who appear deranged.

This advert has run weekly for as long as I can recall, but following my helpful well meaning observation, alas no longer. Plainly there’s been a staff uprising for this week, this long-standing advert has been terminated. Instead it’s been replaced showing only the axe-murderer looking bloke who must be the boss. Now with his apparent staff desertion he’s seeking the public’s involvement and asking people to email him and let him know whether it’s important to them that he lives in Lower Hutt and not say Wellington 10 minutes away. Fun awaits.

Email him as he’s requested at “”. I’ve sent my response advising I won’t be able to sleep at night should he shift to Petone. That said, enough publicity and this nonsense could start an advertising trend. The mind boggles at the possibilities. For example a restaurant could advertise asking “Is it important to you that our waiters wear lacy underwear?” or a dentist, “Is it important to you that our staff speak Swahili and eat unbuttered toast?”

These off-beat requests would certainly be attention-grabbers and may well actually be smart publicity techniques. Who knows; if there’s an Advertising Industry Hall of Fame Barry may be destined for a statue of himself in the foyer for pioneering such a trend.


putting the “fun” in funeral as long as I can recall.

25 years ago the family car was 1971 Ford Lincoln Hearse which I had purchased from an Auckland funeral director who was upgrading his delivery vehicle.

My first priority was to build a coffin to put in the back so I had some where to put the groceries when I went to the supermarket. 

Heading home to the back country outside of  Dannevirke after one such mission to resupply, I pulled out of a side street onto  the Main Road when i saw a gap in the traffic. 

There were a lot of vehicles  behind me and the traffic in front was going slow, so I  was glad to pull off the Main Road and head towards the distant hills and home. 
After a couple of kilometre’s I noticed a line of cars behind me so I pulled off the road to let them pass. They pulled over as well. 

I got out of the Hearse and asked the driver of the car directly behind me if there was a problem?  “No” the lady said. She and the others were part of the funeral procession. 
I explained I had been to the supermarket and was heading home to enjoy a bottle of San Bernadino sparkling wine to help me get over the experience. 

Realizing they had been following the wrong Hearse, they gave me dirty looks as they did their 3 point turns and headed back to town. 

As I motored  toward home,  I had to chuckle to myself at the crazy situations I often found myself in and pondered why the Pink and Purple coffin in the back hadn’t rung any alarm bells with the people following? 

It reminds me of the time I conveyed my own cremated ashes in the multi coloured coffin home to a San Bernadino fueled party organised to celebrate the occasion. But thats another story.

Having checked the website i agree, definitely an axe murderer, or possibly several? A terrific example of turning one’s hobby in to a thriving business.
as a side note i rather assumed all attractive wait staff wore lace and spoke swahili. this may explain the delays in getting my main courses…

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