WORLD CLASS TOSH

Since I learnt to read, I’ve averaged a minimum 8 hours daily in this pursuit of both entertainment and information. In total that adds up over my life-time to circa 240,000 hours I’ve spent with my nose in a book, magazine or newspaper.

I can unhesitantly say that never in that time have I read such world-class meaningless, pretentious drivel as a half page article over the names of Sir Bob Harvey and Sir Ian Taylor, published recently in the NZ Herald.

First of course is the mystery of two authors. Did they jointly hold the pen or each write a sentence?

Inexplicably, periodically lapsing into maori, the guts of the article was how to boost Auckland by attracting entrepreneurs, tourists and whoever to the city.

Constantly quoting as an example, the mythical figure of Maui who fished up the North Island they propose the creation on the waterfront of a museum outlining “the greatest story in the history of human migration” (I’m not making this up) namely the arrival of the first maori navigators here “guided by the stars”. A navigator is someone providing the directions to a known destination, which is most certainly not how the first maori arrivals can been described.

But if Harvey and Taylor genuinely believe that a waterfront museum filled with mythological nonsense will spawn a massive change of direction by, for example tens of millions of tourists, promptly scrubbing Spain, France, Italy, Greece, Thailand et al to instead pour into Auckland, then the asylum beckons and probably strait jackets for them both.

I have the answer to save them from further such embarrassing foolishness. They should acquire a mistress; one each at first to open the batting then a few more to build a small stable which preoccupation will hopefully help them regain their plainly now lost sanity.

One suspects if they have wives, these long suffering women, assuming they cop this sort of crap on the home front, will be hugely relieved to escape listening to further such nonsense and will happily encourage them in this new pursuit.