COLLIERS OAFISHNESS

My company is a longstanding client of Colliers Valuers in the capital, but now face a dilemma, namely should we continue using them. Here’s why.

First however, we employ a number of young women and in the interest of their enlightenment have encouraged them to read the morning newspaper. They’re probably the only females under 30 in the country who do. As a result, rare among young females, they have a general idea of say, where Belgium is.

Well on Monday this week our manager arrived to find them in a distressed state, some indeed sobbing with shock, for in turning the Dominion Post’s pages they’d encountered a Colliers Valuers quarter page advert of the type we’re all familiar with, particularly with law firms. Specifically it was to announce two new partners. These two new grinning besuited partners were at the front of the group of existing besuited partners plus a sole woman, she alone bringing some dignity to the presentation. For unbelievably all of the men had both their hands plunged deep in their trouser pockets. That photo would easily be mistaken for a Police convicts line-up, waiting for an old lady who’d been mugged to pick out the culprit. She’d have safely picked any of them.

We have comforted our girls by steering them to the Lesbian Enlistment centre; which is not entirely satisfactory given the understandable lengthy queue of desperate applicants.

Meanwhile they shiver in terror at the prospect of one of these valuers coming in to the office.

Such are the problems of modern life. Thank god I’m retired.