Below, the opening line from Britain’s Metro newspaper.

“At least two people have survived after a plane carrying more than 100 passengers and crew crashed, killing everyone on board.”

I’ve known dozens of our newspaper editors over the last half century, all good blokes. But it always puzzled me why they never read their own newspaper. Time and again over lunch I’d mention something in that day’s issue and they’d be unaware of it.

But now I know the explanation. Endlessly correcting items such as that above would make one either suicidal or murderish. So best to ignore the content and pray.


Bob, you missed the rest of the article, obviously they donned parachutes and jumped out before the ‘plane crashed.


No, no sir Bob, you misunderstand, the two who survived the plane crash that killed all onboard didn’t die from the crash, they had traces of COVID-19 in their blood so they were actually victims of the bat flu, not the crash – the impact and explosion were just minor complications. Similarly, the man eaten by a shark last week was also a victim of bat flu & the shark was just gently massaging him with it’s teeth in an attempt to cure him.

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My father was a printer and he used to recite the following publisher’s maxim:. we set it; we print it, we bind it, then we read it!

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Bob you are a genius


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