WORLD CLASS GIBBERISH

In seven plus decades of reading, on average 8 hours daily, of tens of thousands of books, jam jar labels, magazines, newspapers and what have you, I can unhesitantly say I’ve never read gibberish to match an extract I quote below.

This “contribution” was in a Dominion Post article by a bloke called Bruce Gourley. Bruce’s bad judgment was compounded by him including his photo which certainly didn’t help his underlying endeavour to attract clients (bald, fat and bearded.) Basically he offers his services as a “creative strategist” to businesses.

Now, before reading on, sit down with a strong drink, then try and make sense of the following.

“Our pivot, prepare and position framework, covers the critical need to pivot immediate services and systems in the short term, how to build internal agility that prepares companies for multiple future scenarios, and finally, how to position the brand for the recession.”

In August my new book of four comic novellas will be out. One deals with an installation art competition and I had enormous fun writing critic’ reviews. For when it comes to bullshit verbiage the artworld is in a class if its own and always has been. It’s plain that’s where Bruce’s true potential for a successful career lies.

Does he have a wife I wonder? If so, presumably she’s either stone deaf or insane or a foreigner who can’t speak English, otherwise, assuming he talks like that at home, logically she’d have murdered him by now.

 

18 Comments

Always best to start the day with a really good chuckle & we can count on Bob Jones to provide this often. This journalist made as much sense as the Queen’s Birthday Honours List!

I can almost guarantee he does have a wife. A mail order bride from Cambodia who started to learn English, then realised what she would have to listen to and unlearned it.

Sounds like a machination of postmodernism. Poor fellow. He’ll be unemployed for quite awhile.

The dictator is into this rubbish too. Quite early on in her reign she started saying she was going to take a ‘helicopter ride’ over issues. I’m with you Bob, I’ve never considered taking someone out was a rational way to deal with crap like this, but I’m getting closer to it.

Gidday Sir Bob .. I would really, really like to talk to you, and get some advice .. about an initiative to hold our government more to account. Actually .. we needed this initiative to be in place .. before we went through this whole Covid-19 business. It could have saved our country billions .. literally! Stewart Hydes, ph 021 403 927

Gidday Sir Bob .. I would really, really like to talk to you, and get some advice .. about an initiative to better hold our government to account.
This initiative has the potential to change the landscape of political accountability, in New Zealand.
We really needed this initiative in place .. before we went through this whole Covid-19 shemozzles. It could have saved our country billions .. literally.
Stewart Hydes, 021 403 927

God only knows what cemetery’s these types are dug up from and the papers editor must be a mug for accepting this sort of guff.Probably never had or run a business in which success boils down to a very simple equation .”find good customers who want to pay you on time for quality goods and services ,under promise and over deliver with the systems in place to do it“Bloody simple really and doesnt require this sort of bullshit for success and unsurprisingly has served me well.
Yes indeed Bruces natural home is with the Luvvies and perhaps the wife purports to be an artist which could explain why he is still alive!

To succeed in the art word salad business Bruce would need to double the length of his sentences and double the average number of letters in each word.

Sounds like a handy chap to have on hand while erecting tents or maybe one those big irrigation contraptions, if you could keep him quiet!

I put it through a comprehension programme and it came out gibberish! The readability score was negative.

Spot on !
This type of commentary is pretty standard fare these days.
The fact I find disconcerting is that these analysts , commentators , advisors , call them what you will , are usually highly paid , or have a high charge out fee.
They can’t see beyond their own self importance and actually think they are making a valuable contribution!
Anyone that buys into this drivel , or worse pays for it , needs their head examined.

Terb Terbwolloper 7th June 1, 2020 at 8:48 pm

Christ he sounds impressive…I’ll bet he can throw a few “in terms of ‘s” when he speaks. I love “in terms of “. I used to listen to national radio before the communist took over and they had a few remaining technology articles, ( just woman’s biology now , who gives a shit about that unless you can poke it) but decided to give up when I herd Megan Woods complete a sentence with 8 “in terms of’s” in a sentence and one of those was …”In terms of dying” …A..?.. how can you have “in terms of dying” , you just die !! …FFS !!! I thought she was reading a script from Monty Python.

Actually , your quoted Adam Creighton article a day previous is probably an example of this Bob.
When it comes to figures contributing to national productivity , whether OECD or not , what
benefit is this type of analysis and commentary ?
A truck driver on probably a third the income would be contributing at least three times as much !
It may be even more because one is at least calculable.
Look at it this way.
If a truck driver doesn’t turn up for work for whatever reason , trust me , all hell breaks loose .
If Bruce Gourley didn’t turn up , would anyone notice ?

But, Bob. If you take Gourley’s advice and “pivot, prepare and position,” it will be a WIN-WIN SITUATION for everybody. All you have to do is OPEN THE KIMONO and do some meaningful BLUE-SKY THINKING to ENGAGE with your readers by giving them COMPELLING CONTENT across a variety of DISTRIBUTION CHANNELS so that through your CURATED EXPERIENCE the consumer is SURPRISED AND DELIGHTED with the CONNECTIVE TISSUE of the DISRUPTION you sponsor…

Reminds me of Roger Scruton’s description of the New Left’s “Nonsense Machine”. Post-truth requires no reason, no logical coherence. It just defines itself by being. It comes from the New Left’s desire to escape the bonds of morality. If they reject logic itself, surely then they can be permitted their liberal sexual depravities. Bad English is a manifestation of the modern Philosopher’s confusion.

Haha sorry Bob going forward in the short term you are not sufficiently kind or indeed prepared to pivot and prepare nor is your PS (Plain Speech as opposed to BS) going to get you into the acronym qualified special group known as IPAACP (Idiot Posing as a Clever Prick) … its mainly public service half wits who have bought into all this moronic language. Maybe he used to be an educational psychologist ,…

Have noticed over the years,the increase in name calling,abusive adjectives etc,applied to those with a different perspective.I do not see this as a particularly good trend,and my admittedly over active imagination sees a continuation of these behaviours on our roads,and even in the supermarket when some person will reach directly in front of you.Just two examples of many.

Brilliant Sir Bob – we hear so many cough up a lot of this jibberish these days unfortunately.

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