It’s common to make fun of public servants and dismiss them as dullards, which in many cases they are, notably with the larger over-employing Department personnel.

My company rents offices to dozens of government agencies. We specialise in providing superior quality suites which it’s appropriate they should occupy. I refer to the likes of the Ombudsman or the court judges and such-like, plus numerous other governments in the form of their embassies. It’s fair to say we have excellent relationships with them all.

But from time to time we’ve bought a building then occupied by a large Government agency and encountered the dullard end of the Public Service.

The worst we ever experienced was with LINZ a couple of decades back. I’ve never encountered a more miserable lot of screaming no-hopers and we took great joy in booting them out at the expiry of their lease.

A few days back I was reminded of this when I was shown some correspondence involving their Christchurch office. This was from an Alex Woodham, ungrammatically described as “Senior Advisor Research and Evaluation” and underneath that mouthful, “Strategy, Policy and Design.”

But brace yourself, for also printed on his letterhead after his name, in brackets, was “he/him.” This bloke has to be drowning wet. One suspects Her/She might be more fitting, or better still, so as not to offend the rich array of purportedly sexually confused, surely “it” might be appropriate.

Well it transpires that he/him, at your expense, is conducting a survey entitled, “Toitu Te Whenua Property Rights and Models Surveys” so doubtless that’s very clear to everyone. To do this he’s written to real estate agency principals, God only knows why, in a mixture of maori and gibberish.

Specifically he seeks their views on “property right and models,” whatever that means, “in Aotearoa,” “as a professional in an industry that intersects the property space.”

I’m not making this up. In the unlikely event he/him is married one wonders whether he talks like this at home. I doubt it as any spouse would quickly intersect the space between his head and shoulders with a carving knife after an earful of that.

Busy Wellington commercial property agency identity Chris Gollins, unwilling to have his day “intersected with time-wasting”, responded perfectly, specifically,

“Alex. Given your confusion about which country you are in – completing your survey would be a waste of my time.
Chris Gollins.”

NOTE: You may find this amusing but to put a damper on it, you’re paying for it.


This is what happens when the goal posts for success are shifted away from competence and efficiency (never a public service strength) and aimed toward identity politics victim status and virtue signalling. Alex is merely complying with directives from his “progressive” overlords as public servants have done since time immemorial. I suspect that many are unhappy being forced to labour under the yoke of politically correct Orwellian “right-think”.

Indoctrination by stealth…

That’s nothing, but a byproduct of the public education system which is rotting at the head…half the students aren’t even turning up to class because the teaching is some poor…

These socialists, bordering on communists, have all the ideas but no solutions…

They’re turning New Zealand into Zimbabwe…


You couldn’t make this rubbish up even if you tried

    I’ve got no beef with anyone asking questions to plug a knowledge gap, but cannot help but wonder why the NZTA don’t also seek the thoughts of the 710 or so thousand Asians who make up our country’s numbers. That’s a sizeable chunk – just over 15% – of the Kiwi population. Surely you’d want to include them in this process of garnering opinions.

    Also, will NZTA’s research exclude Samoans, and Tongans? (Though perhaps it WILL include Cook Island Maori?)

    All that said, I see the tender carries no required pre-qualifications. Time to lob in a submission and see what shakes out.

Sadly, there’s a myriad of these hopeless morons populating these depts, manufacturing pointless woke tasks that progress nothing.

Great reply

On behalf of others who live in New Zealand, thank you Mr Gollans for your succinct and appropriate response.

“Ministry of Stupidity”.
Labour will let us know the Te Reo translation.

If I paid taxes-I’d be horrified.

How do these people get employed? Obviously the job interviewers must have been impressed by his turn of phrase, which gives insight to their mental prowess, or lack of it, too. What’s that old saying – KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid. Instead of talking half-pie Maori, maybe Plain English would be better for the Public Service to use, and better use of tax-payers taxes.

We all need to actively push back on this garbage at every opportunity. Allowing it to go unchecked just encourages them. Make sure every wet woke knows that they are full of nonsense by telling them calmly and directly.

I can’t agree more – Plain English Please. There used to be awards given out for it – now it seems to be a race to see who can cram in the most pointless buzz words.
Pet peeve, why do people insist on using the word commence instead of start – it’s a perfectly good word.

Oh a full disclaimer, I am a public servant – but not one who gives a toss about woke.

The problem for many of these public servants is that they DON’T believe in this but are directed in to fulfilling these absurd obligations by a government that DOES believe in them. If they don’t play along then they risk their careers (probably no great loss at this point) which is how “the fear” works in socialist systems.

Well, no one should live in fear of losing their job by going along with stupid use of language! It’s bad enough out there what with redundancy stalking the workforce and rampant age-ism or whatever is hounding the workforce today.

At this rate we’ll all be speaking gobbledegook within a few years. There’ll need to be a new dictionary produced for us to unscramble what’s being actually said though.

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