BICYCLE CONSPIRACY THEORY

Recently the Guardian Weekly ran a feature on the weird phenomenon of bicycles being tossed into canals, rivers, lakes and so on. It’s literally world-wide behaviour and the article cited examples from everywhere. I’ve certainly noticed this over the years in Sydney’s Rose Bay.

What the article didn’t and couldn’t explain is why? The mind boggles at the possibilities.

Are bicycle manufacturers paying people to steal bikes and hurl them into the drink? That certainly makes sense if their owners then purchase another.

The same rationale could apply to a host of commercial activities which have a financial interest in wiping out bikes. Car manufacturers, gymnasiums and Weight Watchers for example, spring to mind.

On face value the fashion industry is a likely culprit as cyclists only need one skimpy outfit whereas whether in a car, public transport or walking, females require a sizeable wardrobe. That said I doubt the fashion purveyors are behind this as they tend to be scatterbrains and would be incapable of organising such an exercise.

Other possible explanations is this is being done by aliens as a prelude to an invasion, they testing the water as to human tolerance.

Yet another is it’s an organised effort by a secret global religious sect and stealing someone’s bike and hurling it into the drink is a membership pre-requisite initiation ritual. Given the nonsense rituals religion is bound up with, that seems perfectly reasonable.

Whatever the explanation this behaviour offers Massey University a splendid opportunity to pioneer another bogus discipline to go with their current rich array of nonsense degree courses.

 

8 Comments

Yes a degree in ” Te bike apa whanau and motu” . Be a 5 years masters course I suspect but fully funded if the thesis is on how bikes had a impact on pre colonial Maori. As well as of course , the paticipating student was either Maori or paheha but was wearing requisite greenstone pendant of at least equal or bigger than neck size .

Ever tried throwing a bicycle? I can assure you it’s every bit as saisfying as the dwarf throwing craze of a decade ago. I say, don’t knock it till you try it..

Suspect outrageous drunken behaviour, one that extends to e-scooters
I actually observed this while in Beijing with a group of young travellers. We had all hired bikes for a days excursion. One german chaps bike had issues that resulted in a sense of humor failure after an extended lunch, resulting in him tossing his bike in the river only to realise when in mid air that he had put his passport down as security

Sir Robert! Don’t go giving Massey any more ideas… Sadly mostly will be stolen for a ride home and dumped. I’ve lost a few over the years.

I think that right thinking people are giving the middle finger to bike mad mayors like Phil Goff and Lianne Dalziel , and tossing the offending items into the drink . A little ” up yours ” gesture . And who can blame them , when vast quantities of ratepayers’ money is wasted on making suburban streets near impossible to drive a car along , in order to create cycle ways that are seldom used .

Interesting.
I recall in Palmerston North some years ago bikes were turning up regularly in the river.
Turns out ( and I’m not making this up) nice middle class parents were giving bikes to their daughters intending them to cycle to lectures.
The daughters hated this idea and never so much as swung a leg over the saddle. Instead they found chucking the bike in the river and claiming a few hundred booze bucks on insurance was a “like awesome like idea”.

I’ve had four bikes stolen and two run over in my time… perhaps a reflection of changing time, when people have little regard for others these days…

Back in my varsity (Massey) days, a stupid thing I did was leant my bike (otherwise known as the Humber 80) to a friend who used it for the tour d’coma…. which was the last I saw of the old classic….it would be a museum piece now, if I only knew where it was..

Notwithstanding this, bikes are great form of transport, stress relief and exercise, though like motorbikes are not conducive to riding on roads; unless they are devoid of motor vehicles..

The dutch still do it well, and the Chinese also, until they got spoilt by western comfort….

Wouldn’t it be great to create no car zones….the benefits would be enormous…

Dear Good Samaritan, if cyclists want to start paying directly for those no car zones it would be a great idea. Likewise all the other cycleways that are being created at a great cost and a low return on investement.

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