I had a poke at Wellington commercial property agent Chris Gollins recently for ludicrously advertising a strata office floor for sale, “as is, where is.” The “where is” plainly inferred a potential purchaser could shift the floor somewhere else.

Points (5 out of 10) to Chris for taking this on board as this week he’s now advertising a building “as is” and cut out the “where is.”

But not 10 out of 10, not that is until he simply advertises a building without meaningless jargonese which “as is” typifies. What the hell is “as is” supposed to mean? How is it possible to be anything other than as it is?

Still, Chris is a mere piker when it comes to his rivals and their nonsensical advertising. Take the latest 16 page Dominion Post property supplement in which Chris’s “as is” disgrace appears.

Of those 16 pages, ostensibly of properties for sale, 9 ½ comprise photos of real estate agents. Bayleys for example have 2 full pages confined to staff photos. Why? Are these people for sale? Their principal, Mark Hourigan, astonishingly even includes a photo of himself which is certainly not helpful. Mark went to a Catholic school and has always claimed he avoided priestly molestation because of his ugliness. That’s certainly reasonable so what profit lies in scaring the hell out of readers with his visage?

But not just Bayleys did this. All of the rival agencies ran photos over half page adverts, not of properties but of their personel. Why for God’s sake?

This oddity is peculiar to New Zealand. Everywhere else in the world real estate agencies advertise properties for sale without utterly irrelevant photos of the agency’s staff.

The ultimate horror came on the back page with a terrifying photo of a bloke called Des Smith, described by the agency advertiser Ray White as their number one salesperson. How this was helpful is a huge mystery. Here’s why.

We briefly dangled Des’s photo before two six year olds. The boy instantly burst into tears and the little girl started screaming.

Des should head to Hollywood as he’d be snatched up for horror film roles and no make-up would be needed.

So in summary, all credit to Chris Gollins, who despite the unfortunate gibberish in his building adverts, at least doesn’t include photos of himself or his staff.


Couldn’t agree more Bob, you see the smiling photos of these idiots all the time now!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Real estate is a weird industry… participants seem to undergo a strange metamorphosis into beliefs of omniscience and stardom…

It’s worse in the Wairarapa Bob. Heading out to the farm each day I pass a Hookers sign opposite Masterton hospital. No idea what they’re selling. The sign’s dominated by two heinous looking blokes. My wife calls them Motley Crew (apologies to the Crue band..)

As is means as is. If it needs a BWOF it’s on you. As is.

Does Smith … I thought you were saying he’s a convicted … .

There’s an agent here in Christchurch called John Fulton who claims in his advertising that he “is defining a new era of real estate.” What the hell does that mean?

Read further through the text of Des Smith’s advertisement to learn that Hutt Valley comes in all shapes and sizes. That’s sure to startle the residents.

Thankyou Bob,nothing better than a good laugh in the morning to put a smile on your face for the rest of the day.If the property business does not work out for you i suggest a career in stand up comedy,a Billy T award is yours for the taking.

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