A MESSAGE TO ELIZABETH KEREKERE

New Green MP Elizabeth Kerekere told the media, “It was fantastic that New Zealand has the queerest Parliament in the world”.

Why this is fantastic she did not say, instead adding there’s still a long way to go. “Parliament is still lacking representation, as unfortunately there are no trans MPs,” (blokes who believe they’re women and women who mistakenly think they’re blokes, notwithstanding the indisputable physical evidence to the contrary.)

All of this nonsensical babble by the sexually confused is deeply tiresome.

For just over half of my life chaps putting their cocks in one anothers bums led to imprisonment.

The New Zealand Party I led into the 1984 election was the only one in our history to call for homosexual law reform.

That wasn’t because we wanted to promote homosexual practices, rather, it reflected our libertarian, each to their own philosophy and that such matters were not the state’s business. As with nearly all of our policies, the incoming Labour government then carried out this overdue change. Having achieved that one would have thought they’d have shut up but alas, not so. Rather they’ve elevated these peccadillos to, in their eyes, a form of higher artistic achievement deserving of public admiration.

All of these self-described rainbow misfits represent a tiny percentage of our population.

I say misfits, not in a perogative sense, but as a matter of clinical indisputable numerical fact.

MPs are elected to consider the enormous range of issues that confront governments and not spout nonsense about their personal sexual oddities.

Two of the most respected MPs of recent years, National’s Chris Finlayson and Labour’s Grant Robertson, are both openly homosexual but never felt the need to go on about it or even mention it at all. Rather, they concentrated their efforts on what they were elected to do.

There is nothing intrinsically meritorious in Parliament having MPs representing every minority element of humanity.

If there was there would be a clamor for dwarf MPs, something the soaking wet Greens will probably get on to in due course. Their failure to do so to date clearly reflects an anti-dwarf prejudice, given their incessant prattle about diversity.

And what of ugly buggers? Well, like halfwits they’re already covered in Parliament, so too fat people, notably among the new intake while I suspect the Greens will already have a few line-dancers in their ranks.

There’s heaps of other categories that are possibly still missing out, such as left-handers, stutterers, beer label collectors; why the mind boggles at the potential to achieve a properly diverse Parliament for the Greens to brag about.

In the meantime my message to Elizabeth is to shut up about your sexual whims. Nobody cares and it certainly wasn’t what she was elected to do. It really is rather tiresome.

Finally, one of my favourite comic living writers is Yorkshireman Alan Bennett. Alan, a Leeds man, now in his eighties, is homosexual. In recent years he’s been highly productive, knocking out numerous short stories and novellas, always off-beat, about everyday life. Some include homosexual themes and all amount to a wonderful piss-take. But in such cases he doesn’t try to single out these sexual whims as representing a higher art form status, instead they’re simply part of humanity’s rich kaleidoscope of diversity pervading madness.